relationship insecurity

Are You Being Blamed For Your Wife’s Relationship Insecurity?

Part 1: Examining the Myths Behind Female Relationship Insecurity

In this blog series we are going to lift up the rock and look at what’s really underneath the anger and blame associated with female relationship insecurity. You are also going to be shown a way to easily put a stop to the negative behaviors that often go hand in hand with this problem.

You may be asking if it’s so easy to stop this behavior why you haven’t been offered a solution before now. The answer to that question is as much a mystery as the subject itself. Surely a problem this widespread would have led to many different techniques to overcome this challenge. The truth is that the misplaced blame that men endure due to female relationship insecurity falls under a protective umbrella often referred to as the mystery of female emotionality.

Instead of getting answers for this problem, men are still being told to go along with whatever a woman wants. Further attempts to find solutions for this problem are often met with the refrain of “Happy wife, happy life.” If a man persists in trying to find real answers he will frequently be told that he shouldn’t ask because female emotionality cannot be understood.

In this series we are going to track the process women use to shift the responsibility for their problems onto you. You will find that it only takes one lift of the rock to see that there is no mystery involved. This pattern of behavior is a common form of defense mechanism. If you read along, you will learn that these behaviors follow a very specific formula. Once you understand the formula, you can take apart the mechanism.

To make it even easier for you to stop from being blamed for a woman’s insecurity you are going to be given a simple sentence that you can learn which will take it apart for you. It has been developed just for this purpose. It allows you, just by saying it, to disable the defense mechanism of an insecure woman. You can use it to stop blame and anger on the spot, even in the middle of an emotional episode.

Before you are introduced to this phrase, let’s take a closer look at what’s really going on behind the scenes when your wife blames you for relationship crimes you know you never committed.

Why Is She So Angry

Your wife has a problem. Relationship insecurity can affect anyone, but most women have a harder time with it than men. The reason for this is they tend to be extremely preoccupied with the strength of their relationships. This is simply one of the normal female personality characteristics that many women are born with.

The impulse for women be on heightened alert for any threat to the security of their relationship may have been very useful in days of old. In modern times it causes quite a few problems. Women should be getting education on how to handle this common instinctual drive. Because female anger is still a hands-off subject, women can easily get away with pretending that these problems do not exist. Their problem with relationship insecurity then becomes yours.

Relationship Insecurity In Women

What does this natural relationship insecurity feel like to a woman? When she enters a committed relationship she may feel a drop in her usual confidence. She will start to have thoughts about you not caring about her as much as she cares about you. These doubts about your commitment creep in and start to wear her down until she doesn’t feel like her old self. Where she used to feel invincible, she now starts to feel needy and dependent. Somehow she can’t quite put her finger on what has happened to make her feel this way.

If you have ever been in a relationship with someone who you liked way more than they liked you, you may have experienced this same feeling. When you care more than the other person you can begin to feel helpless and like you might get hurt. Even a women with no negative past experiences can find herself struggling with this insecurity. It can cause her to act very differently in her relationship than other areas of her life. You may have at first been attracted to the strong confident personality of your spouse. It can be a real shock when you see her shift from strong and independent to clingy and dependent soon after your commitment to the relationship.

Many women don’t have this personality characteristic. Many more take the high road and face and overcome this common female challenge. But there will always be some that take the easy way out to avoid the feelings of vulnerability and the fear of being hurt. When people get in the habit of blaming others to avoid unpleasant feelings, they often find themselves unable to stop the cycle even when they know how much it hurts those around them.

So what exactly is this maneuver that so many women use to avoid facing relationship insecurity? She simply makes the decision that she couldn’t possibly have a problem in this area. This leaves her with what is an obvious explanation. The problem must be with you. You must be causing her to feel bad by withholding assurance from her. Let’s step inside her shoes for a moment and zoom in on the exact moment that she makes the decision to put the blame on you.

relationship insecurity

What Relationship Insecurity Feels Like To Her

She may have never had a problem with insecurity before and may pride herself on her independence. But one morning she wakes up not feeling like her usual self. She notices she is feeling afraid instead of confident. She has a passing thought that this has only happened since she has been in a relationship with you. She may tell herself she doesn’t think she is supposed to feel this way. She is supposed to feel secure and loved and cared about. She will begin to wonder why she is not feeling the way she is entitled to feel.

The first doubt creeps in about whether she is being treated the way she deserves in her relationship. This doubt grows until she arrives at the belief that if she was being treated right she certainly wouldn’t be feeling this insecure. She starts to tell herself that she deserves to feel good. Feeling secure is something she is entitled to. Clearly the problem is you. You are obviously not doing your job because she would be feeling good in this relationship if you were.

This convenient change in perspective of who is to blame for her insecurity instantaneously erases her negative feelings. When she adds in the element of righteous anger at you for not treating her the way she feels she is entitled to be treated, she doesn’t just feel better, she feels empowered and back in control.

The Entitlement Defense

In this post we will be calling this particular defense mechanism the entitlement defense. Many women mistakenly believe that they are entitled to feel secure in a relationship at all times. They believe it is their husband’s full responsibility to make it happen. When people look at life through a perspective of entitlement, anger often follows. Let’s now take a look at how anger plus entitlement can affect your marriage.

An insecure woman may start off using this form of blame-shifting as an easy way out of uncomfortable feelings. Pretty soon she will begin to believe this story that she has created for herself. It is at this point that she may start to let you know in subtle and then not so subtle ways that you are not treating her right. If you are told you are not being a loving partner, you may at first take it to heart and try to please her. However, when her anger increases and you find yourself being told that you are the bad guy when you know you are not, you will be forced to put a protective wedge between you. Although many men do not wish to shut this door, it is often the only way they can preserve their sense of self worth as a husband.

The Subconscious Mind And Negative Campaigns

The question of whether a woman is entirely to blame for excessive anger over relationship insecurity is very difficult to answer. There is an involuntary element that plays a part in this dynamic. The entitlement defense mechanism is driven by the subconscious as are all defense mechanisms.

Human defense mechanisms seem to be carried out by a ruthless subconscious. This very protective part of our psyche is always hoping that one day it will get its chance to run the show. When we let our subconscious take over the role of protecting us, all relationships become suspect. The subconscious has no qualms about cutting us off even from those we love to protect us from hurt.

An insecure women may start to take the little voice of suspicion that we all seem to carry with us seriously. When she hands the reins over, her subconscious will often try to launch a negative campaign to smear your reputation as a good husband. By feeding the insecure woman thoughts that exploit her fears about what you think of her, the subconscious is usually able to persuade her that you should not be trusted.

Most people are capable of shrugging off these suspicious thoughts and choose instead to trust the ones they love. But when the temptation to let someone else take the blame so they can feel more powerful is presented, some women cannot resist.

Please join me in Part 2 as we explore the solution to this problem.


Marriage Entitlement-When Your Spouse Takes Too Much or Gives Too Little

Is Your Spouse On Your Side?

Four Questions You Need To Be Asking To Help Save Your Marriage

A Stress-Free Approach To Resolving Marriage Conflict

If you want to learn more about the high conflict situations you may be experiencing, click on this link to the welcome page of this website where you will find the resources you need.

If you want to try out some of the basic techniques of this method for free to see if this method is right for your situation, you can learn them from an intro guide flip-book here or a PDF version of the intro guide here.

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