Techniques That Stop High Conflict BehaviorWelcome to the Nicola Method website. This site is a resource for people wishing to put an end to patterns of conflict that may be causing difficulty in their interpersonal relationships.
Although interpersonal conflict is sometimes thought to be too complex for the average person to fully comprehend, there are some very basic understandings about conflict that can be used to easily overcome emotionally-charged interactions.
The Nicola Method is a series of techniques that allows you to defuse interpersonal conflict as it arises. These verbal techniques allow you to disrupt and disarm the defense mechanisms that are the driving force behind most interpersonal conflict.
Because these techniques are based on the foundational mechanics of human emotionality, they work as easily in situations of mild conflict due to misunderstanding as they do in interactions with individuals who have deeply entrenched negative behavior patterns.
These techniques can serve as a form of emotional self-defense allowing you to more easily navigate through emotionally-charged interactions. They can also be used to alter habitual defensive patterns that may have developed in a long-term relationship with a loved one.
These are just a few examples of the kinds of behavior patterns that the tools of the Nicola Method are designed to address:
Put-downs and Insults
This method was originally developed to allow partners of women with traits of borderline personality disorder to overcome the fear of betrayal that is so often behind their mistreatment of those they love. But because the defensive tactics used by women with traits of BPD are the same tactics used by all human beings during conflict, these techniques can be used successfully in many other high-conflict interactions.
Although I am no longer teaching this method through private consultation, I believe you will find all of the instructions you need to start using these techniques on this website.
If you have a family member who engages in behaviors associated with borderline personality disorder, you can download The Nicola Method Workbook, a free self-help workbook that will supply all of the information and the tools needed to guide your partner back into a healthy and respectful communication style.
You can also learn how to use the techniques by reading The Nicola Method Blog where you will find step-by-step instructions for how to lower the conflict in many different high-conflict situations. Just look for the box labeled “Select Category” on the upper right-hand side of your screen and choose the category of blog posts that applies to your situation.